One awkward conversation you may be hesitating to bring up in your relationship is how to talk about sex with your partner. Sex talk is not everyone’s cup of tea nor is sexting God’s gift to all. Most of us are not in the prime of our comfort zone to initiate sex talk with our love interests or spouses.
But, after the initial hurdles, you can see that side of yours that you have never ever seen in your life. The question that is always on your mind is how to have a sex talk with your partner? We will agree it is not easy to start an intimate conversation. You need to have a certain level of comfort to do that.
Sometimes some people might be comfortable in bed with you but when it comes to the sex talk they recoil like a turtle inside a shell. You might have tried to initiate sex talk with your partner but when they did not respond favorably or exhibited discomfort, you just couldn’t go any further. But you can initiate this conversation without fear of rejection and we will tell you how to do that.
1. The right time for a sex talk
The right time never comes, you need to create it. You have tell yourself that you need to learn how to sex talk. Just see an opportunity and talk about it. But ensure you are in a relaxed frame of mind when you are having the sex talk.
If he is stressed about work and you try to initiate an intimate conversation then this is not the right time. When you are relaxing over some wine or watching a movie on the couch it could be a good idea to initiate it. You could start positive and talk about what you likes about your last sex sesh.
2. Gain some knowledge
Read, read and then read some more about sex and its benefits. Learn what all you can do to seduce your partner and when to stop. This will impress them. If you are thinking of seducing your husband, then picking up a few tricks and tips is a good idea too.
A great way to initiate a sex chat is buying a book on sex and reading it together. Then when you go through it together you can talk about what you are ready to experiment with and what does not work for you. You can try the sex workshop videos on YouTube as well. It’s a great way to laugh and learn together.
3. Practice what you will say
If you are going to ask them about it, then frame lines and practice them. Make sure that you do not sound creepy, desperate and vulgar. Be straightforward and simple, one example for such a line is, “Hey! How comfortable are you to talk about sex?”
Initiating healthy sex talk can make sure than your experience does not border on inappropriateness. Practice the art of consent before making advances.
You have to know that your partner is open to a sex talk in order to avoid rejection. If you see that they are uncomfortable, maybe you can pipe in some humor and make them comfortable about the whole thing.
4. Read their body language
How to talk about sex with your partner without being too overpowering and making the uncomfortable? Reading their body language is the key to everything. If they move away or look uninterested, then they don’t talk about it. If they flirt or smile at the question then yes, it is a sign. Nothing spells better sex talk than validation.
But learning how to sex talk is necessary. Because people do not have intimate chats, many issues crop up in their sex lives. If your partner is having some erectile issues and stiffens the moment you bring it up you can’t let it go.
5. Be confident about what you want
When in a relationship, you know this talk is going to happen sometime or the other. Then why not be clear about your own needs first. If you don’t want to have it then ask yourself why and if you want to have it, then how and where.
It is a sensitive topic and only if you are confident enough can you handle it easily without hurting the other person. However, if you don’t talk about sex with your partner, they will never know what problems you’re facing, and this will only increase the tension in your relationship.
If you want to increase the frequency of sex or if you want your partner to take the lead often then you need to spell that out. You can always say that you feel more wanted if your partner initiates. But say that with confidence without beating around the bush.
6. Method of birth control
This is a very important topic that should figure in sex talk. Some couples get bored of the condom so they might want to explore other options of birth control like pills or the IUD. You need to have a talk about what works for you and go ahead and try that birth control technique.
But both partners should have a say in the method you choose for birth control. Don’t force anything on them, and don’t have any assumptions before getting into the conversation. Just do what needs to be done.
7. Don’t complain, but suggest
If you are planning to initiate an intimate conversation with your partner then you must take care that your tone is never complaining. That could be a huge turn off and could have adverse effects on your sex life.
Always focus on the positives when you start your talk. What you enjoy most about your sex life could be a good starting point. Then you can always say what you want more of, or what you don’t like in bed.
8. Sexual desires and boundaries
You should be ready to talk about your sexual desires and boundaries. This might take you some time but it is important that you go ahead and do that. Because if you want to play out your fantasies in the bedroom then you need to have an open conversation. If you are interested in BDSM and role play find out if your partner is willing to try that.
You have to set your boundaries too. Watching porn and doing it might not be your thing, so be sure to convey that to your partner. If you don’t do that and go with things unwillingly then it won’t work for the relationship. That is why having an intimate sex talk is supremely important
Sex is very intimate and sacred for most of us, then why not take this decision wisely and not regret it later? An honest talk about sex can straighten out a lot of things in your sexual life making it more fulfilling and exciting.